tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post2836777393987684146..comments2023-06-06T11:58:14.959-04:00Comments on AlixRites®: For Sharon—Alixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10845338766501331604noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-57796066705929710462009-10-30T22:06:09.882-04:002009-10-30T22:06:09.882-04:00Alix,
It’s nice to speak with you again. I had n...Alix,<br />It’s nice to speak with you again. I had not gone any where – just wanted to allow you the respect as my friend to be left alone if that is what you requested. Thank you for allowing me to be myself with you. I have always tried to be a friend to you in the most open and honest way that I know how. I may not relate specifically to things you deal with – the same way you can’t relate specifically to the things I deal with in my life. I’ve always known who you are but have always seen you through God’s eyes. Your facade was always transparent to me – but that never stopped me from trying to be your friend. I’ve always tried to be there when you called or texted – and tried to let you know that I was still there many other times. I’ve invested a great deal of time, energy and prayers in our friendship – maybe not going out to eat or to the movies – but I’ve still considered you a friend. And still do. No matter what you decide in the coming days – I’ll still be your friend. And as a friend – the most valuable thing I can do for you – is pray for you – whether or not you want me to or appreciate it now or never. As always – your friend – and still praying.<br />Love, SharonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-37343678182340249192009-10-30T19:39:45.863-04:002009-10-30T19:39:45.863-04:00To be fair, SI, my being a dyke has never been an ...To be fair, SI, my being a dyke has never been an issue out loud. My pastor knew I was when I first started attending and welcomed me with the caveat (understandably so… that as the pastor he believed in what the Bible said and did think it was a sin). I respected his comment and I just chalked it up to agreeing to disagree. However, with the exception of one other church member, no one ever talked about that whole situation with me. I felt like they just didn’t want to acknowledge that fact. No, I never felt judged, per se, but it’s kinda like the orchestrations within a dysfunctional family. It just was never talked about. While I could talk about this with my pastor without ever feeling judged, I didn’t feel that freedom with other church members. And that was who I was—my identity.<br /><br />I then made a decision after being there for a while (after being shown the door at a previous church because I was queer), that I did truly want a personal relationship with God. That meant that I had to examine my life as it related to the words in the Bible. As a result, I left the gay community that I had been such a part of for so many years. It was extremely difficult to cut myself off that way, but in my heart, I wanted my relationship with God more (there are a few posts that detail the struggle). And, at the time, my BP and BPD was in balance.<br /><br />However, even before the BP and BPD started flaming after I had to quit the meds, I had begun to miss the gay community, the queer politics—everything. I have always been an out, in-your-face dyke and a political activist. It was where I belonged. I made a difference. I began questioning everything all over again. What was so wrong about being queer? It certainly wasn’t something I CHOSE (geez, I don’t even want to have that argument again). I don’t even know who I am anymore.<br /><br />As always, thanks so much for your cherished support, luv. It does make a difference I want you to know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-50424693319179953592009-10-30T19:07:44.479-04:002009-10-30T19:07:44.479-04:00Oh Alix. Much as I cannot relate to your specific...Oh Alix. Much as I cannot relate to your specific situation with Sharon, I do completely empathise with the idea that social contact is both desired and yest simultaneously repugnant. I agree. People outside mental illness, with the ver best will in the world, are unlikely to totally 'get' this.<br /><br />BPD and bipolar can (and damn we <b>do</b>) make life unbearable. We can't expect others to <b>understand</b> that, merely to respect the fact that they can't but we do. I hope the people in your real life can cone round to this.<br /><br />At the end of the day, though, as you've stated, you feel alienated from the Church and its congregation - and that can't be good for you. Having said that, although I am personally an atheist, I know through friends that churches <b>can</b> be accepting of being gay, and indeed of being mad - but it can be hard work to find one of such acceptance.<br /><br />Good luck and, as ever, take care if yourself - I await the next installment with baited breath. I <b>loved</b> your recent anti-C comment on my blog :-)<br /><br />Talk soon xxxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com