tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post3285276142156023095..comments2023-06-06T11:58:14.959-04:00Comments on AlixRites®: Being Christian and Queer-RevisitedAlixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10845338766501331604noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-25982243344646384832009-12-06T06:33:33.657-05:002009-12-06T06:33:33.657-05:00@ Dub-Ya…you bring up a good point—I probably will...@ Dub-Ya…you bring up a good point—I probably will never find a church that embraces everything. Moreover, your point about the whole reason for being in church to worship God with that being out <strong>only</strong> focus is spot on. The minute we take out eyes off Him and worry about others, our focus does shift. I guess it boils down to one thing for me. I have found a place where my spiritual needs are being met to its fullest potential. I love every part of the service and have a great respect for the pastor because he is be open and honest with me and in return has listened to everything I have had to say and understands me. I never have experienced that before. In addition, the topper for me is that this church is so small—the farthest you can imagine form a mega-church you see these days. I trust everyone at this church; those with their own personal opinions that are not voiced or shown in their treatment to me are of no consequence. I am there for a sole purpose and that is to worship GodAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-23052730474737746072009-12-01T22:51:44.429-05:002009-12-01T22:51:44.429-05:00The comments to this blog have been very nice and ...The comments to this blog have been very nice and supportive. A bible passage that comes to my mind is, "I am the light"... that being said, no matter where you, or I go, we will always cast a shadow, because we are sinful people... period... there is no getting around that... what I'm trying to get at (and I don't know if I'm saying this out of a selfishness to see you return to this church b/c I value your presence and input) is that, say you found a different church where every member was LGBTxxx and fully embraced your sexuality... it's very possible that you're 'shadow' would morph and they wouldn't like your political position or political efforts.... without beating around the bush, I doubt that you, or I for that matter, would ever find a place (other than heaven) where we will be fully embraced for EVERY aspect of our lives/personality/work ethic/politics/etc... I guess it all boils down to the fact that church is a place to worship God and not worry about other people because then your focus, for that period of time, is turned away from God..... I may be wrong and would love to talk about this more on our visit together this Saturday.... I think the last paragraph in your last comment (on 11/29 @ 12:31) correlates with what I'm trying to say....Dub-Yanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-9387742375233480952009-11-29T12:31:25.737-05:002009-11-29T12:31:25.737-05:00@SI…You are right, they have been good for and to ...@SI…You are right, they have been good for and to me. I cannot dispute that at all. I think I realise that I may be ready to return soon. This is going to be part of facing BPD head on for one. This will be definitely one of my bigger “tests.”<br /><br />I do believe their acceptance of me (not necessarily as a lesbian, although I know of one who is) is genuine and I believe that they truly care for me. Emails I have received recently indicate this point. Moreover, I do believe that they do rate a second chance. Being back there will be the litmus test.<br /><br />I do not know how they will feel about my open support of LGBTQ equality; it is certainly not something I would flaunt—it is not the appropriate venue. My pastor is already aware of this situation. And you are right about being true to myself. Time will only tell.<br /><br />Take care, my dear xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-90396017759512155272009-11-29T12:09:33.168-05:002009-11-29T12:09:33.168-05:00What an excellent post Alix. Thank you for sharin...What an excellent post Alix. Thank you for sharing all this information.<br /><br />I don't know hun, it's an awful situation to be in. My sense from what you have written both on this post and others is that, broadly speaking, this Church has been good for and to you. Of course, I totally understand the worries that you have about whether or not their acceptance of you was as genuine as it seemed. But you ha three years of positive time with them, so perhaps it is worth giving the place a sort of second chance?<br /><br />Of course, that said, you have to be true to yourself. You said in an email to me that you're feeling much more like your old political self, which I personally think is brilliant. Who knows if the church would be so accepting of such open defence of LGBT rights? They may well be, which would be great, but I suppose that is something that you'd have to explore with the pastor and others if you went back.<br /><br />At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself - but I do hope you'll be able to do that within the confines of an accepting congregation, whether it's with this church or another.<br /><br />Take care lovely xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-70482164216379093392009-11-29T01:53:32.299-05:002009-11-29T01:53:32.299-05:00@tts…Thank you so much for visiting my blog and ta...@tts…Thank you so much for visiting my blog and taking the time to compose this quite enlightening response. You discuss at length many thoughtful ideas. I like your comparison of the port in the storm—an excellent analogy to what has been mirrored in my own thoughts at times.<br /><br />Searching for another church while still attending here to meet my immediate needs is a concept I am willing to embrace, even if it means willing to spend quite a long time finding my niche. I also must be cognisant of where God will lead me through this discovery. I believe that He loves me as one of His own and accepts me for the totality of who I am. That being said, my current church will provide me my much needed respite until I find that necessary alternative.<br /><br />Your suggestion as to how to encounter those seeking questions as to my continued absence is an excellent one—one that my pastor has already suggested when I met with him personally at length after my hospitalization. I realize that there is much to be gained with taking on this approach. It allows me to begin to assimilate myself back into the fold with preserving my own needs for privacy. I am trying to pray through this fear I have, not just dealing with the various questions I may encounter (responding with, “Thank you for your concern; just keep me in your prayers,” seems to be an acceptable answer with which I can provide), but be willing to be amongst other people in general, and as you put it “BPD aside… .” This part I am still working on, but at the cost of not reinserting myself. I know the longer I put this off, the harder the assimilation will be. I am closer now than I have been in quite some time; perhaps after this holiday weekend might be the opportunity for which I am looking. I have had a few individuals from my church who have read my blog and have responded most kindly—accepting me for who I really am. I have to believe that this may be a good indicator of how others may respond if they already know the truth.<br /><br />Yes, I do carry guilt and shame over my past actions, but with seven weeks behind me, I have begun to heal in that area, mostly in part to all of the therapy in which I have been. Most importantly, I am learning to accept myself for who I am and what I have been through—a major breakthrough for me. Your comment, “You cannot control how other people think or behave, but you can control -- to some extent -- how you think and behave.” was spot on. I have made great strides where the BP and BPD are concerned and I think I am nearer to the point of returning without all of the baggage. I feel, in my heart, that there is nothing to be lost in returning—even if only temporarily—and much to be gained by allowing myself to be spiritually fed once again.<br /><br />Again, thank you for your keen insight and the many thought-provoking concepts that you brought forth. I invite you to return to my blog to see how I play out this scenario.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180095206501850443.post-69808569769551865722009-11-28T21:55:17.482-05:002009-11-28T21:55:17.482-05:00It seems that you have in many ways answered your ...It seems that you have in many ways answered your own questions. You are seeking a spiritual path that will accept you in full, including your lesbianism. There is nothing odd or unusual about that -- people need and want to be accepted and loved for the person they are. On one hand, you have found a rare thing in a pastor -- someone who is good and kind and does his pastoral duties even for those who 'sin,' who is willing to hear what you have to say without condemning you, even as he does not hold the same view. And you are being nurtured spiritually there. On the other hand, there must underlie all of this, and the happy and pleasant experiences you have with this church congregation, the constant shadow of knowing that a major aspect of your existence is considered wrong there, even if they are decent people who do not treat you badly because of it. You have found there a temporary respite -- a place that can serve as a port in a storm, so to speak, after you were adrift for a long while. They provided something important and valuable to you when you were in need. However, you are also, to some extent, settling by remaining with this church as long as you truly embrace lesbianism and advocating for it. It doesn't sound as though there is anything wrong with this church, the pastor, the congregation, or remaining there -- except that you seem to be aware of a sense of wishing for more acceptance without the shadow.<br /><br />It sounds like you need -- for yourself -- to find a different church. Remaining with this one while you search would be a good idea, especially if it provides you with support, spiritual care, and a sense of stability or peace that you need. Going without a church for another few years doesn't sound good for you. Not all churches that accept lesbians without the 'sin' portion of it will be static and empty, or cater to only LGBT. It's just a matter of continuing to look until you find another one with the things that you need. <br /><br />That being said, I don't think you should avoid this church because of your long absence. You need what the church provides to you. You also need to face your fears and accept yourself, including the BPD, etc.; turning away from something important to you because of your feeling of shame about the hospitalization & suicide attempt is counter-productive. If someone asks why you've been gone so long, just be non-committal if you don't feel comfortable telling them something so personal. It's not necessarily something they need to know. Or just say you were in the hospital and don't really want to go into it. You don't have to be rude, and most people will accept and understand, and respect your request not to discuss it, without thinking poorly of you. You cannot control how other people think or behave, but you can control -- to some extent -- how you think and behave. Give yourself a little break -- return to church and the good things you get from it. Accept yourself and your areas of struggle or weakness; every single person there has their own struggles and their own flaws -- even if you don't know them. And if you are so uncomfortable returning to this church if people know what happened with you, then it should be an indication to you that this church isn't entirely perfect for your needs -- you need to be in a church where you feel safe and secure enough, accepted enough, that you can return if something goes wrong. <br /><br />I wish you a very happy ending in all of this.ttsnoreply@blogger.com