Momentum

This past weekend has been a banner one for me as far as decreasing my isolation and reaching out to my friends. Of course, you’ve read about my coffee date with K on Friday and my grocery trip with A on Saturday. Well, I discovered that I needed to go out once again, and to the mall no less where it was teeming with people. Mind you, I am not a mall rat; in fact, I cannot remember the last time I was there. However, there is one thing I need every year and can only find it when the independent vendors set up their kiosks at Christmas time. I use this huge grid calendar that I hang on the wall right inside my bedroom door. Each square is large enough to accommodate multiple entries and to write them in large letters so I can read them. Therefore, I called K and asked if she would mind taking me to the mall.

We were not sure at which end to park, so we picked one anchor store and went inside. The idea of walking all over the place to find this particular vendor was rather daunting to me. However, we spotted a mall security guard as soon as we got there. He did not know where it was, and upon spying a walking talkie radio, I suggested he call out and find out if anyone of the security guards knew where it was.

Now that we knew where to go, we started negotiating our way among the throngs of people, impatient kids running away from their parents, and a mass of strollers with shrieking babies. I hugged the interior wall for fear that someone would kick out my cane from underneath me. I was not handling the mass of people very well, but stuck to my guns as I looked at this adventure as a mission to complete. Having K there made all the difference as I could focus on her and keep up a running dialogue as we walked.

I espied our target and once acquired we headed directly there. I got my calendar and out we went. That said, I am still fairly sure I don’t want to return, at least by myself as the crowds were somewhat suffocating. However, I did accomplish my stated mission and nothing happened to me. A week ago you couldn’t have paid me to insert myself into that situation. K has been a valuable friend as she knows my boundaries and is more than willing to be there whenever I need her. Lesson learned: I can tolerate what I most fear, even if I have to have a friend walk me through the process. I am still not capable of doing these things alone; having someone with me allows me to concentrate on my continued conversation and ignore the people. I did not have a panic attack.

Afterwards, I invited her back to my house where we talked for about an hour before she had some things she needed to attend to. This is the first time I have let anyone into my home since that fated night. All in all, I feel as though I making progress as far as my isolation goes. Now I have something to talk about when I go to group later this morning.©2009

Soaring Prisms

Kites floating in the summer skies
Flirting with the clouds above
Their color prisms among the heavens
As they find themselves flying higher and higher

It’s fun to watch the little kids efforts
Determined to harness the breezy fuel
Running top throttle in hopes of success
Only to find it stuck in the sand

What joy to see expressions of delight
When, all at once, they realize their efforts
And squeal with amusement in their victory
And watch their kites play dodge ball together

What freedom and abandon these toys create
As they craftily attempt the aerial maneuvers
If only our lives could enjoy this independence
Instead of, at times, being stuck in the sand

A lesson to be learned is to give it your all
Living life with a passion that knows no end
This lesson comes with risks, not many are willing
But to practice this fervor will result with such glee
©2007

The Sailboat of Hope

Confessions are good for the soul
Absolution of sins that have been made
She leaves with the promise of hope
And faces the day with no fear

Alive with the thoughts of her future
A slate that has been wiped clean from her past
With no where to go to begin
She sets sail to her new destination

A new beginning to forge
Unsure of her new-found awareness
She unfurls the sails of her history
As the wind blows it all away

The expectation of her new freedom to live
The shackles break free from her life
That once filled her presence with fright
And smothered her being with despair

The air is filled with a promise
The chance to discover herself
Hesitant to look all that closely
Of what she might find staring back

The reflection is made perfect in purity
The eyes grow with an anticipation
Her new life is about to begin
As she sets sail to her unknown existence
©2007

The Contraints of Time

Butterflies light on the sheerest of petals
Dancing in the wind, being carried aloft
Drawn by the kaleidoscope of colors
That only the magic of flowers can bring

Peace
Silence
Serenity
Tranquility

Reflect the briefest of time spans
Our nature has to offer
Their beauty astounds
Their cleverness amaze

The Monarch stands regal in its presence
Yet it is the one that can emulate its surroundings
I admire most—the chameleon of the lot
They flit and they float

Capturing the imagination of a child
Scurrying to chase one down
And squeals with delight at its captive
Only to realize as with all life
Ours is but a blip in the grand scheme of time
©2007

Soaring

Indescribable is the warmth that beats upon my brow as I fly high as the eagles,
So is the rush of wind that flutters my eyelashes and brings tears to my eyes.
Further upward I explore this vast array of sky, not even noticing the ever-shrinking globe below.
I chase after contrails that litter the ceiling in their criss-crossing patterns, playing tic-tac-toe amidst the heavens.

My mind has been freed to explore the vast consciousness of freedom high above my head,
Unfettered by all means that hold me to this earthbound terrain.
I flirt with the tropopause—that boundary that separates atmosphere from space;
The view of the stars twinkling before me, God’s created cosmos, consumes my very breath.

The depth of the colors surrounding me is glorious in its opulence,
My eyes becoming the prism through which all light passes.
Rainbows dance upon my retinas, so attainable to reach out and touch
And enter this magical mystery as I race through this envelope of liberty.

I bounce among the clouds resembling gossamered-winged angels—the brilliance of the sun’s reflection so pure.
Cumuli float amid the space that I occupy, eerily zooming past me at this pace that I soar.
Within some, hailstones soon to hit the earth along with lightening quickly to dance pelt me.
With others, they serve as halos crowning my head as I become the sundog in the firmament.

My defiance of gravity is magnificent at best, my choice never to return regrettably nonexistent.
I feel the pull of this world gradually drawing upon me, draining the voltage that fuels my passion.
Like Icarus of lore, rapidly I am to become one with the landscape,
Where, for a brief spec of time, wars and politics were so serenely unnoticed.
Too soon I am earthbound, but always glancing upward at the chance to haunt the mysteries of flight once again.©2007