17 January 2011

You know, I had so much to write the other day that I decided not to put all in one post. What the best thing ( did in 2010? Well, on July 27th I quit smoking cold turkey with none of those nicotine patches or gums. I just made up my mind to do it. The first couple of weeks were hard, but by the third week, the cravings lessened

I miss going to therapy, but each therapist I’ve seen (3) just didn’t seem all that interested in what I had to say. Once actually clock-watch during the whole session. I want to return to therapy, but now I am not sure where to go. I think I am going to call the head therapist I worked with during that intensive three-month outpatient therapy. Maybe I can get her to make the appointment for me in case they it to be a referral requirement.

I’ve been fairly balanced bipolar-wise (BP). And what is interesting, when I am feeling balanced, the Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) doesn’t seem to be as pronounced. However I feel myself slipping into a manic phase. I’ve had all this energy and haven’t been to sleep in 4 days, but I feel fine. My biggest weakness when I am manic is my need to spend money and collecting things I shouldn’t have. Those items always fall in the “want” category!

Well, my psychiatrist was me to have another neuro workup considering the fact that my short-term memory is sporadic at best and I can’t concentrate or focus on tasks. I’ll start working on ten things at the same time, yet make headway on none. So, I am no going to work on one item at a time from start to finish. Not sure what my productivity will be at work.

Speaking of work, I have been staying on top of my projects and my email. My boss hasn’t had to deal with me for the whole month of January so far. I know I am supposed to be getting my performance appraisal this month. I can hardly wait. I rather doubt that it will be as good as last year.

I have perfected the smoothie! I have a 1200-watt blender that will crush ice. I can make gelatos and ice cream and frozen Margaritas. Well, I look at my poor absorption of vitamins and minerals, but instead of taking all these vitamins and minerals in pill form, I am adding leafy green veggies and such (spinach, kale, broccoli, carrots not peeled). I put the veggies in with the blender and all you can taste is all the fruit I usually add to my regular smoothie along with the protein powder and flax seed meal (the actual flax seeds are hard to digest).. Maybe my blood results will look better this time when I go see my regular doctor.

Back to my dysfunctional family. I decided to send everyone framed pictures of Mom following her 90th birthday, evening including K, the niece from hell. I called her out on it and she claimed she didn’t know what I was talking about. Never mind that for the last 10 years I have been patently ignored when the family gets together for the celebration at K’s house. Well, I sent the framed photos to K and today is Jan 17. I actually was expecting a thank you call or card, but nothing has been forthcoming, so I have now washed my hands of her.

You know what else hurt my feelings? Now that I have a dependable car, I have the ability to drive the four hours to her house. WhenI was visiting her back in November, she told me that staying for four days is just too much for her. Three will suffice. Well, that’s hard on me considering it’s practically a quick turn-around trip. And on top of that, she doesn’t want me down there too often (like once per season). Well, she is 90 and has every right to dictate who can and for how long someone can visit. Ah, yes, family. Just warms the cockles of my heart! ©2011

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