An Empty Tank?

Why can’t I forget her?
A relationship that lasted merely one year
One that began to sour after six months
I wanted out but didn’t know how

The beginning and middle were filled with wonderful memories
The latter half with bitter resentment on my part
The betrayal I felt when I gave all that I had
And was given but little in return

Everything around me recalls this past
A full moon, a weather report, items that just jump out of the air
It has been over one year since the “divorce”
How much time must I endure these reminders?

The focus of the memories are negative
I concentrate more on the ending of the relationship
Very abrupt and mean-spirited on her part
I was kicked to the curb in one fell swoop

The emotions of anger and resentment mostly have faded
I wish the recollection of her presence would just disappear
I feel as though my engine is in neutral and I am going nowhere
And want so much to move forward with my life

Yes, there are stretches of time when I don’t think of her at all
I wish those stretches would become more the norm than not
What’s most confounding is that, for some time there was no recollection
Only recently has it resurfaced with a bang

I want so much for the peace and solitude that I have
Not be interrupted with memories of this past
I was enjoying my seclusion, my entombment from the world
What must I do to heal this wound?

I would like to believe that, with more time, the separation will grow
That there will be a greater disconnection from these memories
But for the time being I am flooded with reminders
Ones I’d just as soon forget

Am I being honest with myself and my emotions?
Have I truly not let go of the painful hurt that she has caused?
I want so desperately to be able to look upon the past
As a simple exercise in poor judgment and let it go at that

There have been no other relationships to supplant these intrusions
I have no desire to even entertain this as an option
I feel this season of solitude had been a gift
Until her still-felt presence continues to announce itself

So, in the meantime my thoughts are interrupted
My emotions are not so much in check
I just want what I had before this occurrence
Considering I initially was the one that wanted out

I was unprepared for the wrathful execution
As much as I desired the ultimate separation
The manner in which it was delivered
Was cruel and inhumane, more than I thought possible

Will more time begin to finally heal my heart?
All I ask is that any memory be fleeting at best
Because I gave to her all that I had within me
Perhaps I am just waiting for my tank to refill
©2007