My Castle Without a Drawbridge

The pain I feel is visceral
It tears at the very fabric of my heart
The loneliness has crept in and surrounded me
Before I had the chance to even sense its presence

The choices I have made for my life
Have always been dictated by some outside force
And in the end I’ve been left holding the bag
While the world spins around me without me

I keep telling myself that I want to be alone
When in fact that couldn’t be further from the truth
The human animal was never designed for isolation
But those are the cards I have been dealt

I am not living my life; I sit on the curb watching it spin around me
I want off this merry-go-round façade that everything is fine
It’s not and I’m too afraid to admit that to myself
If I speak the truth to myself, then all of a sudden it becomes real

I lie in wait of something to come by
Anything that will break me out of this mold
I grow weary of this lie that I call my life
When I can’t even orchestrate its finale

I am tired of being alone
And angry at the choices that put me here
I’ve been forced from the very heart of who I am
For reasons that no longer make any sense

So, in the end I am without companionship
No one to share with who I really am
Instead, I am locked away in this loneliness
My life in a castle without a drawbridge ©2007