(…continued from previous post)
After walking though my house, all I wanted to do was sit down on my couch and smoke a cigarette. I straightened up the living room, putting the coffee table and speakers back in place. As I sat there and smoked, this overwhelming, helpless depression just settled in around me. Here I was, 11 days later, still on my couch as if nothing had ever happened. But something did. I just couldn’t piece it together. I just started crying uncontrollably (now, let me tell you a little something about me. I’m really not into the crying thing being this tough old butch dyke, but somewhere within me these last few days the waterworks just spouted out…I hated that).
Around 1730 hrs I thought about making some dinner, but I remembered that I had some prescriptions I had to fill. Since they were only 30-day scripts they wouldn’t be as expensive as the 90-day scripts. I figured that maybe it was time after all to get back on my meds. Certainly, after all of the multiple hospital expenses incurred to date, I had more than met my $1150 deductible finally, so the prescription insurance cap would apply. Besides, at the very minimum I knew I had to get the two blood pressure meds filled.
Finally, around 1945 hrs I simply felt drained. So I took all my meds (as prescribed, just so there is no misunderstanding as to the meaning of “all my meds”) and went to bed wondering if I’d get any sleep. It was so nice to be back in my own bed. Tomorrow I begin the first day of the outpatient program. Different staff, different patients (I hope). I will continue this saga as I still have a big mystery to solve and I want to fill in those missing hours. How I will go about that I have no idea just yet. Stay tuned for this story is far from over…©2009
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