Outpatient Therapy-Day 26 (Friday 18 December AM)

Today our regular group therapist was out. The person taking her place normally works as the inpatient intake therapist, so I was not sure how group would go. As I mentioned in a previous post, our little group was getting much bigger. When I looked around I noticed that we had three more new admits. I feet as if I no longer have a rapport with my group now that the original members have all been discharged. I have been here the longest—two months. Most people only stick around for four to six weeks.

I no longer feel that the group sharing part is meaningful to me since the other patients have no history of my background and what I have been through leading up to my time just before I joined the group. However, the second half of the session is still meaningful since we discuss the various tools to use to keep our emotions in a healthy balance.

Well, today was a little different. This therapist had a lot more to say for each person as each patient was sharing. I really liked his style. Looking back, I wish he had been the therapist all along. This is not to say that the regular therapist is not as competent—their styles are just different. I am still trying to process the increased depression I have experienced this past week as my financial situation looks so bleak. Most of the patients are on SS Disability full time. I do not see how they can afford it. When it got to my turn to share, one of the other patients suggested that I should file for bankruptcy. Aside from using the “should” word which imparts a value judgement, I cannot fathom filing for Chapter 7. I incurred this debt and I have an obligation to pay it off. He practically bragged about the fact that he filed two separate times. I just cannot imagine someone brushing off his or her obligations like that. Besides, I still have to get another car—how the hell I’m going to afford that one is still up in the air. My car is starting to make telltale noises, so I know it is not going to be around for much longer. I will never get financing if I file for bankruptcy. I have to be practical here. Because this therapist had a lot more to say with each patient, we spent the entire three hours going over our check-in sheets.

I cannot imagine not being apart from this group therapy. Despite the fact that I whined about it so much in the beginning, I have really benefitted from it. I found out yesterday that my medical insurance will only cover 27 sessions making this coming Monday my last day. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that the disability group that processes the claims did approve my extension through January 4th. I would like to be able to continue with this therapy for as long as I will be out of work.

Now that I have a fixed date to return to work on January 5th, I have to start planning for it. My FMLA runs out pretty much at the same time, so I no longer have any choice. I will be going back to work so I need to get that in my head and just deal with it. Oh how I wish I could afford to be on permanent disability. It is not as though I am being a gold brick about having to work. It is just that the job I have is very high profile and creates a tremendous amount of stress and long hours. It is going to be a rough transition after being out of work for two whole months. However, I am going to try not to stress out over that. Nevertheless, I cannot ignore it either.

Well, I have another appointment with my GP again today right after group to get another iron infusion. I sure hope that person from the lab is there as he has been far more successful at starting my IVs than the clinical specialist has been. You should see my poor arms and hands.©2009