For Melanie—

Melanie, in your comment on my post below, you’ve touch upon a subject that concerns why I am beginning to have problems about the Bible…its translation. Full Gospel preachers will preach that it is the inherent word of God—that these words were divinely inspired. Yet, to whom were they inspired? Men of a far different cultural time than now. You cited a good example of sexism—women were treated as chattel (“an item of personal property that is not freehold land and is not intangible. Chattels are typically movable property). Women were not viewed as persons in their own right. This model had not changed until the 1920s with the 19th Amendment allowing women the right to vote. Up until then, men did not believe women had the wherewithal to have an opinion, much less speak in public. That is only the situation in the United States. Look at how many cultures (e.g., the Middle East) still actually treat their women as property. Anyway, I digress…

I also agree with your statements about Paul being sexist. Paul espoused the notion that men should stay single and devote their lives to God; however, if they could not remain single (subtle inference on my part here—if men could not do without sex), then be married, but it is much better to remain single (1 Cor 7:1). My interpretation: women were only good for one thing, satisfying men’s sexual urges (one caveat here, Paul also said the same for widows as well, though). Here’s my conundrum. I am a lesbian, therefore an abomination; however, if I choose to remain single (celibate), then it is better (so am I still an abomination?). So that forces me into a life where I will never have any relationships—a pretty sad state of affairs, don’t you think? Our current government has deemed that same-sex marriages are forbidden (under DOMA). If I could be legally married, then I would not be a fornicator, yet the noose around me is that I am still queer, so therefore still an abomination.

If the Bible is the divinely inspired word of God, then who is to say that by the time the words were captured on papyrus, the men so divinely inspired did not interpret it as they saw fit according to the times in which those words were inspired. I have already mentioned in my post below how we have since dispensed with certain passages as biblical rule, but to this day, no one will even suggest that homosexuality be dispensed with at the same time because through the ages, religious zealots have seen fit to propagate the belief that homosexuals are perverts (it’s become a strong-held belief, I believe, because people saw this as “different” from their own experiences, therefore immoral). Slavery was supported in the Bible. It is no longer allowed. Interracial marriages were not approved, but only recently have the courts deemed this as racist. No one wants to touch on the hot ticket of the day which has become the litmus test for all politicians, much like abortion was in previous political battles.

Your desire to read the true translations as you study other languages may prove interesting, especially as they may show wide differences across today’s various translations. In some churches, only the old King James version is considered THE Bible. I personally have found that the NIV is more homophobic across the board than others. Good luck with your studies and thank you for taking the time to share with me your thoughts.©2009

To Be or Not To Be...

Psalm 119:11, 15-16 says “I have hidden Your Word in my heart. That I may not sin against You. I will study Your commandments and reflect on Your ways. I will delight in Your decrees and not forget Your Word.” This all speaks to obedience to God. In addition the first two commandments state: “1) You must not have any other god but me, and 2) you must not make for yourself an idol.”

When I made the decision to leave the gay community, my fierce self-independence did not allow me to relinquish my identity still as a lesbian. I felt, as I have said before, an ambassador without papers—a non-practicing, celibate lesbian.

However, has my insistence on my self-independence and proclamation that I am still a lesbian, albeit alone, created an idol for me? Has this determination resulted in being sidetracked to allow the enemy a toe-hold? Does this mean that I am following the letter of the law, but not the spirit of the law? Does this mean that I am tolerant of this sin by not renouncing my lesbian identity?

Even if I were to renounce that identity, don’t think for a moment, then, that automatically makes me straight. I can never see me living as a heterosexual. But, therein lies another question—does this mean that I know what I should do (by allowing God to work in me and mold me and shape me according to His will for my life) but I don’t follow through?

Will this result in my gradual deterioration of my relationship with God? I know that God loves me, but I won’t have full victory unless I fully obey. Despite my behavior, God has shown me mercy as defined as “not giving a person what he or she deserves.” The essence of sin is selfishness; the essence of God’s way is selflessness. Am I being selfish by exercising my self-independence and not recanting my identity?

Has God left obstacles in my path—my financial ruin and my bipolar disorder—to allow me to develop my faith and obedience? My idolatry of self-independence has led me to prioritize my failure to renounce my identity as a lesbian even though I no longer live as one. All I know is that I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and I only want to be completely obedient. But this still begs the question: Am I just obeying the letter of the law and not the spirit of the law, and therefore not being fully obedient?©2007

Faith---The Evidence of Things Not Seen

“If you have faith of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matt 17:20). “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” (Mk 4:40). “Or in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, ‘the just shall live by faith.’” (Rom 1:17). “So, the faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.” (Rom 10:17). “Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith, for whatever is not from faith is sin.” (Rom 14:22-23).

The Bible’s Concordance is filled with references to faith throughout the entire Scripture. My title infers that faith is the evidence of things not seen. Does that mean that, as a Christian, I am simply to live by faith alone despite the circumstances that are tumbling furiously around me? Through prayer and faith, I should be able to simply turn all my troubles over to God and truly believe that He shall prevail over all my circumstances.

My Christian life, new as it is in the grand scheme of things considering that I will be fifty in April, has been one of some steps forward and some steps backward. That is the nature of growth. Right now, I guess I am in the backward mode. I look at my life and my circumstances and I simply cannot breath. I cry and ask myself just where my faith is when I need it most. And, according to one of the passages listed above, whatever is not from faith is from sin.

How has my life become the shambles it has? There are truly days when my faith has been so strong I felt as though I could surmount anything tossed my way. However, of late, no matter how hard I pray, I feel as though I have lost all touch. I know by reading the Word that my relationship with God is not based upon feelings, but on faith. Therefore, supposedly, I should endure these dry spells on my faith alone despite how I feel.

Easier said than done. When I am literally faced with being one paycheck away from being homeless, the realities of my life interfere with my ability to think clearly about what my duties should be as a Christian. It’s not that I don’t believe—I believe with all my heart—but I am suffocating. Is this the enemy coming to interfere with my faithful walk with the Lord? I do believe that it is.

I feel as though I should ask for forgiveness for my weaknesses. People tell me that grand bumper sticker of all time, “Let go, and let God.” I do let go at times, but times such as these, I grab it back and try to take control on my own. But, I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do in my own strength to solve my enormous problems. I also know that the only one who can come to my rescue is God. I can write all of this down quite rationally, but if you could see the terror in my eyes, the thump of my heart or my breath whisk, you would understand how incredibly powerless I feel.

Believing in God and letting go and having faith is not giving up—despite what the secular world would have me believe. These are just my steps backward. I feel as if this is my season in the wilderness—just as the Israelites wandered for 40 years because of their disobedience and lack of faith. Am I being disobedient now because of my lack of faith? I have so many questions and am so confused. The Bible tells me that God will never forsake me. It also says that God will never cast any burden upon my shoulders more than I can bear. The former I have to believe in. It’s simply the latter that I question right now. Either way, I no longer feel as though I have any more answers left. ©2007