But, the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I discovered that I owe my mail order pharmacy service their threshold at which they will cease dispensing all future prescriptions until the balance is paid up—an amount I simply do not have. Even if I thought there was a value to taking these meds, which I am not sure there is, I am hamstrung by system that is withholding vital medication, which could make or break me. I have approached the pharmacy program asking if I could set up a payment plan, which they flat out refused to consider. I have had my psychiatrist work with the drug manufacturers to see if any relief could be brought through those various channels—all of which came up empty handed.
To add insult to injury, my own psychiatrist, whom I have developed a history with for over a seven-year period, is not even in my network. Yes, I could find another shrink that would save me money, but I trust this doctor with my life and I am unwilling to start from scratch with an unknown entity, especially with where my life is concerned.
At what point is someone finally noticed that I am slipping through the cracks? If all that someone looks at is my bottom-line salary, I look great on paper, but in reality, I am one paycheck away from being homeless because of my debt load. My medical bills have overwhelmed me. Add this stress to the fact that my bipolar medication isn’t working up to par and I have a pretty good indication of where all this is headed and I don’t like what I see. This continued added stress is building to a point beyond which I can handle.
I am so tired of playing these games with all of these companies that don’t seem to give a damn what plight someone is. The customer service reps who answer the phones, as well as anyone else further up the flagpole, simply read their policy handbook to me by rote and I am left feeling as if no one gives a damn. I am not asking for any handouts. What I am asking for is a fair shake. Why is a payment plan too much of a stretch for someone to consider? Sure, they won’t get all of what is due with one payment, but it would show good faith on my part that I am trying to make good on my debt. My psychiatrist has even tried to work out something with the manufacturers of the medications that I am on, but once they heard what my annual salary was, they basically just hung up the phone.
The bottom line: even if I did decide to continue with my bipolar meds, it wouldn’t make a difference since I am no longer allowed any more refills on my prescriptions. And this doesn’t even begin to take into consideration the asthma medications I have to take. I am simply so tired of fighting this battle. I am so tired of not having any money to accomplish even the basic, most simple aspects of my life, like filling up my tank with gas. I’ve reached a point where I truly don’t give a damn about anything anymore because no one seems to give a damn about me or my situation—at least those who are in a position to make a difference.
Yes, I see the red flag glaring me in the face. This mind set is exactly what led up to my suicide attempt a year ago. Is that where I am headed now? If I tell my shrink, all he will do is put me back in the hospital to protect myself, which I cannot afford. It won’t relieve the situation that is already in place to have put me in this dilemma—only further compound it by putting me into further debt. There aren’t any other drugs out there that will make the difference; I’ve already tried them all. I certainly don’t care any more, so I ask the basic question, what is the point?©2007