17 February 2007

The Pursuit of Anonymity

The shaft of light pierces my soul to a depth I’ve never seen
The revelation brought forth is both eerie and serene at the same time.
I’m going nowhere, yet pursuing and engulfing everything in my path

I’ve nothing to hide behind; all is out there for the world to see
If I had a choice I’d stay tucked away in a small quiet corner
Yet something inside yearns to burst through and blare to the world.

“I’m here!” I cry silently, hoping someone will hear
“It’s me, don’t you understand?” falls upon deaf ears and the world doesn’t care
But do I want the world to care, do I want it to notice me at all?

I yearn to be invisible so that I mark my passage of time uneventfully
I opt for all choices that don’t involve other human beings in every way I can
I have no use for social interaction; it’s is but just a blot of insignificance

I perceive the world and everything in it as loosely held together dots along a map
People don’t know the people they think they know
People see personas, often craftily created to prevent us from seeing the reality

I do this all of the time. I craft this unique guise to fit the circumstance I am in
I’ve honed this knack with precision as never seen before
I am who I am when I want to be who I am.

There is life in anonymity—there is no one to whom I have to be accountable.
Yet, at times, I crave the attention the anonymity creates.
This is my double-edged sword. I want my cake and eat it too.

No one, absolutely know who I really a from the inside out
Only the shells I wish for them to perceive, my safety net.
If I show you who I really am, will you still like me?

Creating these elaborate personas that must be kept intact bespeaks of infidelity to self and all who appear to give care
How do you tell someone who thinks is a good friend only to discover the lying and deception that goes along for the ride?
No, I rather enjoy my compartmentalized structure to my life.

Facts in existence; I am a person who faces fear of rejection every day of my life
If I don’t put my real life on the line, the rejection of is the facade created, not of the true me
I am the spider that said to the fly: " I will trap you in a provocative web to spin your tales to protect your innermost self."©2007

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