03 May 2007

The State of Balance

Mania: a wild and violent insanity
Fifty percent of the component of bipolar
It’s what drives our creative forces

Depression: A pathological state of despair
The other fifty-percent component of bipolar
It’s what drives us to the utter brink of destruction

Balance: a state of equilibrium
Do you know what that means to a bipolar patient?
It is the very nature for which we attempt to strive

Balance is a very elusive element in the bipolar world
It can exist for brief moments in time
Or it can last for as long as a few months

Everything is contingent upon the medicine
A highly refined cocktail, precariously metered
In hopes that it is that magical touch

If you’re lucky, you’ve found that sought-after mixture
Even if it means that it becomes your ball and chain
For bipolar patients, the choice is which drugs, not if drugs

Medicines become the way of life
Ideally one can be reduced to one maintenance drug
However, at times, a combination may have to suffice

The side-effects can be debilitating, but carefully weighed, a solution
Most cocktails are written off-label
The majority used as mood stabilizers are often, in fact, for anti-seizures

The need for life-long medication is disheartening
There is no known cure for this condition
At best, one can be at peace with herself

There is a catch-22: the state of mania can be addictive
Because it does allow for creativity
We miss that element when we are in balance

I wish I could be balanced with a touch of mania
I love my creative side; it propels my juices to flow
But you can’t have your cake and eat it too

I never miss the depression; it’s far more than merely a bad hair day
Its very nature is destructive by definition
And often can be life-threatening at worst

The wildest state is the mixed-phase dilemma
Being manic and depressed at the same time
Going for days without sleep, yet wishing for each day to be your last

So, in the end, being balanced becomes a trade-off
The creativity is stifled, yet you strive to live for yet another day
In any event, being bipolar becomes an art form in which to survive.


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